Thoughts, Feelings and Behaviours
The way we interpret events and situations in our daily lives can affect the way we feel and behave. How many of us are aware that our thoughts have a big influence over our emotions and actions?
Imagine that you sent a message to your friend, who did not respond for a few days. If you have the thought that your friend is deliberately ignoring you, you may feel upset, and may behave in unfriendly ways, such as ranting to another person. However, if you think that your friend is just busy, you may not feel upset, and may instead plan an outing for you two as a way for her to de-stress.
The same situation could elicit different emotions and behaviours depending on how we interpret it.
Thinking Errors
Faulty thinking (i.e., cognitive distortion) refers to negative and unhelpful thoughts. These thoughts are usually automatic, and we may not even realise when they pop up in our heads. Hence, if we are able to identify our thinking errors and change them, we could bring about big changes in the way we feel and behave.
See below for the 10 most common types of thinking errors.
1. All or nothing thinking.
You see things in the extreme. Things are either really good, or really bad.
For example, your boss may have criticised one of your projects. You start to think that you are a failure and that you should quit.
2. Magnification or minimisation.
You place emphasis on the mistakes you made, but you don’t recognise the many things you did right.
For example, your leader may be providing you with feedback on your strengths (e.g., you did well in leading the team) and areas for improvement (e.g., you could take into consideration the opinions of your team members). You may then become preoccupied with your perceived weakness “she thinks I am too bossy, this is why I am a bad leader” instead of your strengths.
3. Overgeneralisation.
Generalising a single event to all other events.
For example, you may feel upset that you missed your bus one morning. Instead of seeing it as a single unpleasant event, you think that “I am always so unlucky no matter what I do, either in work or in my personal life!”
4. Disqualifying the positive.
Not taking into consideration all the good or positive things that has occurred.
For example, you may have been trying your best to control your anger, and at times, it worked. However, there are times when you lose control, and you think to yourself “I can’t do it – the other times were just luck.” Yet, you failed to recognise the other times you were successful in regulating your anger.
5. Emotional reasoning.
Using your emotions to explain or predict events.
For example, you may feel anxious before a certain presentation. Instead of attributing it to nerves, you think “I feel so anxious, it means that this presentation is going to go really badly.”
6. Personalisation.
Personalisation occurs when we take things personally.
For example, imagine that your child’s teacher called you up, and inform you that your child has been misbehaving. You immediately think “It must be my fault as I didn’t teach him well” or that “I have not been a good parent”.
7. Jumping to conclusions.
You interpret situations in the ways that you want, even though it may not necessarily be true or accurate.
For example, your friend has not reached out to you for a few weeks. You start thinking that they are sick and tired of you, or “I am no fun to be around”. However, this may not be the truth, and it could be that your friend is busy with work.
8. Labelling and mislabelling.
Labelling and mislabelling occurs when we provide a judgment or label to ourselves, or to another, instead of to their actions.
For example, when waiting in line at the cashier, we may think “This cashier is so slow”, instead of “The cashier is doing the best she can, but there are too many customers”.
Example 2: When we make mistakes, we might think “It’s so stupid of me. I am so careless.” Instead of “I made a careless mistake.”
9. Should statements:
We hold ourselves to high standards by making should statements, and end up with unpleasant feelings when we (inevitably) don’t achieve the perfect outcomes.
For example, we may tell ourselves “I should get promoted by this end of this year", “I should be able to control my child", or "She should know how I feel."
10. Mental filter
Mental filter occurs when focus too much on a single negative event till we don't notice any other things.
For example, imagine that you planned a trip with your loved ones. However, on the way to the airport, a quarrel started. By the time you reached the airport, it has been resolved. However, you think that the trip has been ruined, and spent the next few days brooding over it. Yet, there has been no other quarrels and everything else went smoothly.
Do you find yourself having these faulty thinking? If so, some ways you can overcome it include asking yourself:
a. Is this statement accurate? Do I have proof?
b. Even if it is accurate, is it helpful?
c. What are some other explanations that I can come up with?
If you are struggling with your mental well-being and would like to seek professional psychological help, consider reaching out to IMH. For crisis support, reach out to IMH at 6389 2222 or SOS at 1-767.
Kindly note that no blog article should be construed as professional medical or psychological advice.
